Homeward Bound

5 Dec

Anxiety is killing me, insomnia is not helping, job search demoralizing I’m throwing in the towel.

I decided Wednesday after a panic attack: I’m moving home.  I can’t take the midwest anymore. I’m home sick. I’ve been home sick since my grandma died. It was hard being out here by myself when that happened and not having people around me to support me through it was even harder. I miss home. KC has never been my home, I’ve never felt comfortable or a connection here. I miss the buzz of the big cities, the sounds of the light rail whooshing past, the look of the sun setting on the bay. I miss my best friends, my Maryland grandparents, the beach and beach fries.

I feel bad in leaving, I hate that I will be leaving my dad and my grandma. It was nice to live with them for a bit and to see them on a daily basis . I will miss them dearly, especially getting to go places with my dad and the going to the movies with him. I’ve treasured spending my time with him and I know it pains him that I’m leaving to go back home. It’s been nice to let our relationship heal.

Moving home will hopefully be a good move. It’s not permanent it’s just a resting area where I will regroup, strategize and make my next move to either grad school or a decent job someplace else. As much as I like Baltimore, I’ve always known I won’t stay there forever.

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