void

8 May

nothing goes into nothingness

and the dress goes back to black,

tiles get hung in odd places

like the void between a refidgerator and the wall,

just to fill it.

the pressure builds up and i am crushed underneith it

like a head-on collision,

the weight of the world, the weight of the world

balances as a megalith upon my head like the book exercises from charm school.

It hurts again this confusion,

between me and my thoughts,

struggles of here and there

not worked out

the clay was clay and it broke, it broke me

it became unfun, when that is what it is about

this pang this pang

deep in my chest eating at my stomach

stuck between indecsion and indecisiveness

i look to the north star

it twinkles then goes dark,

dark dark dark the darkness surrounds me

darkest hour darkest days

bring me back o holy man

back to life from this rut im in

different life

different days

different places and places to play

different room

different mind

covered in horror-vacui

down down down, down i go

on another path unknown

stray and never be found, stay however and youre still hell bound.

they’ll all be disapointed when they come this friday night

to see what im up to

and nothing is there to show them

what a waste of time and money spent

they’ll think

this niece of ours: artist

pish posh

just another dreamer who dreamed to big

i understand or at least i think i do

i cant be mad or can i

i worked so hard and yet i have almost nothing to show

upset

dissapointment

prepardedness for the world ahead

i am not nor am i

it was said and it was not

no note

just little tabs of blue around me but none for me

and i

i took it well and then i found out

still play my part?

still act well my part for there all honor lyes?

no, no i think not

how, how to react

ready, ready to fly

fly away from this place and clear my head

and not create constantly for once, for the first time in 5 years

to breathe and be ready

to decide what is right

and what is mine

what and where and where to go

california

the coast the shore

water

and the open air

a beach and salt in my hair

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